i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
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I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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