apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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