she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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