i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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