I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
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And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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