Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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