found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize