hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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