This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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