i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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