My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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