shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize