I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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