Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
