i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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