i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize