Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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