I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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