I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
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I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
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I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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