She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
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i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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