I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize