there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
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You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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