I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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