just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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