Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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