I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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