I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize