U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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