I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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