Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
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Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
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I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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