Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
North Korea, Best Korea!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
