was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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