Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
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you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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