he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize