the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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