Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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