could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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