She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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