Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize