Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize