is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
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I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
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We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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