Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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