This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the jesus of drinking
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize