Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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