Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize