Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
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On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
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I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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