i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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