As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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