had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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