did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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